I’ve been writing professionally for publishing houses, and ghostwriting for individual clients, for over 30 years. In that time, I’ve worked with a parade of engaging individuals, each of whom had a story to tell or a business to brand. I’m happy to say that I’ve enjoyed collaborating with most of my clients, and grateful that most have responded positively to my work.

And then there is that unique breed of client that drives you crazy. Such clients are not reserved for ghostwriters but can be found all throughout the business world. These irritating clients often induce every fiber of your body to start shouting at you, “don’t work with this person!”  Yet, somehow you convince yourself that your working relationship will improve as you go.  WRONG!  Here are a few clients from hell that I’ve dealt with and you may wish to avoid.

1. The Timeless Wanderer: These folks spend more time scheduling and rescheduling meetings than they spend at meetings. They simply have no respect for time, yours or anyone else’s. I recently worked for an author who was writing about the new ways of work. Unfortunately, she thought that tight deadlines were just a suggestion, and more than anything she loved scheduling meetings. I’ll never forget her crowning achievement one morning when she scheduled 41 meetings to take place over the next month. The following day she cancelled all 41 meetings. This kind of activity was par for the course. Even more maddening was that while travelling around the world she would schedule global Zoom meetings with absolutely no acknowledgment of the various time zones. I recall an associate saying, “Katelyn, with all due respect, you do know that it’s 5 a.m. for those of us in New York and none of us want to be up at this hour.”

Despite the worldwide use of time management software and scheduling devices these clients are living in their own personal time zones and make scheduling, planning, meeting deadlines and doing business together extremely difficult.

2. The Yes But-head: These are the clients that are honored to work with you and will openly proclaim that you are indeed “the expert.” They will say, “Yes,” as in they love your suggestions or ideas. However, they will always follow it with the word “but” meaning “but we’ll do everything my way.” This can be particularly disheartening when you know (from experience) that their way won’t work.

Sometimes you just go along for the ride in hopes of gradually nudging them in the right direction for success.  Often, however, Yes But-heads are both obstinate and exasperating.  I worked with a gentleman on his memoir, in which he wanted to include 350 stories, many of which were rather mundane. I suggested he cut it down considerably since nobody wants to read 350 stories about anyone unless its’ the Royal Family, or perhaps the Kardashians. He agreed to cut the number down and returned with a list of only 348 stories. All I could say was “really?” And no, this massive book never became a reality.

Try to catch the Yes But-Heads early on in the process. If they are thrilled by your guidance but follow none of your advice, you may need to say early on, and in a manner they with which they are familiar; “yes” I’d like to work with you “but” I really can’t.

3. The Chameleon client
There are people who simply cannot make up their minds.  I started working with a client on a book proposal about business leadership, but then he wanted to switch and write about his love of cycling instead. Then it was back to a leadership book, but no, it should be about cycling. Leadership, cycling, leadership, cycling – he changed topics like a chameleon changes colors.  Finally he insisted that we combine cycling and business leadership into a single book proposal. After we debated the issue, I suggested we send the awkward and confusing leadership / cycling book proposal to an agent to see what she had to say. Three days later the agent called and said quite matter-of-factly as if to point out what was painfully obvious “these are two separate books.”

Unable to make a clear decision also means you might be a perfect fit for the job today but not tomorrow.  If the client discusses having worked with various previous writers, decorators, lawyers, consultants, contractors, brokers, coaches, or lion tamers prior to your arrival, it is likely that you may also be easily expendable.  Don’t count on a long relationship with a chameleon client.

4. The Ultra Thrifty Client
This is the client that always wants a few dollars off, even before they know your rate.  Typically it takes them a while to sign a contract since that might indicate an obligation of payment.  These clients take great joy in letting you know that whatever you’re selling (service or product) they can get it cheaper.  The ultra thrifty client will also try to get a package deal.  Consider the client who handed his lawyer a stack of 25 tickets and asked:   “Since you’re already handling my extortion case can you won’t mind also getting me out of these damn parking tickets will you?

Stand firm on payment terms and be specific about what is included and what is not.  You should also be very cautious about backend deals for services rendered as well as attempts at barter deals. I once had a client who wanted me to write for him but also wanted to pay me in what he claimed were “valuable” oriental rugs. I can’t make this stuff up. I declined his offer since I doubted that either my landlord or the cashier at the supermarket would take a couple of area rugs for a month’s rent or a week’s groceries.

5. The Dreamers (aka unrealistic Clients)
Unrealistic clients need to be set straight.  I once had a gentleman call me about ghostwriting his book. He asked if I could guarantee it would sell three million copies. I knew that was absurd, so I asked him; “Are you Steven King?” He said “no,” so I told him I could not give him such a guarantee.

Reality is a wonderful concept as long as everyone buys-in. When client’s expectations exceed what they can afford or what is actually possible, you need to step back. Try to nudge the client’s enthusiasm toward more realistic possibilities, but if they insist upon seeking out the gold at the end of the rainbow don’t agree to be their travel guide.

Be on the lookout for these, and other, clients from hell starting with your first encounter, and remember sometimes it’s best to go with your gut feeling, especially if it’s accompanied by an intense desire to flee or disconnect.

Rich Mintzer